“I have a lot of the same shame and guilt, but no so much blame; it’s mostly fear more than anything though.”–A reader
Fear, in one of its guises, is behind most of our negative emotions. Fear of unworthiness, fear of hurt or loss, fear of mortality or abandonment. Fear is indeed a mind killer. If you assume that your negative emotions are fear, it all becomes simple (not easy, but simple) to understand. Here are some suggestions for dealing with fear that relate to the Ancient Child technique:
1) Your mind and body generate fear to protect you: it is a signal to do something, take an action, pay attention. If you learn the lesson, you can release the negative emotion. If you were hurt as a child, you might still fear the dog that bit you. If you have total confidence that you can protect yourself from the dog, the fear can dissolve.
2) Use the “Ancient Child” meditation, and connect your adult and child selves properly. It is the adult’s job to deal with the dangerous world. It is the child’s job to play and laugh (and do it’s homework!). When you don’t take adult responsibility for your life, or learn from previous mistakes, you put that burden on your “child” and it cannot cope, and responds with fear.
3) Use the “glitter in water” technique. Visualize your body viewed in a mirror. See that it is filled with water, with glitter suspended in the water. Let the glitter settle.
4) Use the “Daily Ritual”. If you can move with confidence (or pretended confidence: a smile, good posture, belly breathing) for 20 minutes a day while saying positive things (as if you were acting in a play, PLAYING a positive person!) for thirty days you can begin to re-wire your nervous system.. Remember that emotion is created by three things: the way we use language, the way we use our bodies (breathing and posture!) and what we focus on (if you think you have nothing to be grateful for, how’d you feel if you lost your internet connection? Or the ability to read? Why wait until you lose a basic capacity to be grateful for it??). If necessary, “fake it til you make it.” If you hunched around all day pretending to frown and cry, saying negative things and hunching your body…you’d find yourself feeling AWFUL pretty fast. The reverse is true as well.
Just some basic thoughts on ways to use this technique. There are countless combinations and improvizations. But the core is that for 20 minutes a day, take conscious control of breath, movement, structure, focus and language. The results are amazing.
I am so happy that I finally have a framework to be able to help these things more directly!