You can either have a shell, or a spine. The choice is yours.

Yesterday I posted a note  about looking at all three-four major arenas of your life.   Unless you have balance and joy in all of them, it is best to assume you have work to do.  But the ability to speak the truth about the damage is dependant on loving yourself, cherishing yourself enough to believe that it you look deeply, you will find something beautiful.  If your belief is that if you flip that flat rock a horror will come crawling out…you won’t look.


And these core attitudes are often set in childhood. I received this note:


“My upbringing was extremely negative and my family still is very dysfunctional. I have little or no contact with them and feel guilty.  Every time I try again I just get attacked or beaten down.


How do you find love when you are not able to get it from where we all should feel safe…”


This is precisely what I saw working with a succession of ultra-high performing clients at Moonview sanctuary in Santa Monica.   Amazing success in one arena, wrapped around a deep sense of lack or even corruption.   Abuse, neglect, failure and lack of support and nurturance can all trigger this.


The “‘Ancient Child” technique was designed to “work around” the damage, and allow you to re-create a healthy childhood.


Here are some steps you can take (and it can take weeks to move between the phases, so don’t worry):


  1. Begin by practicing “heartbeat meditation.”  Just sit quietly and listen to your heartbeat.   When you can feel and hear it and remain calm and centered for several minutes at a time (total time 15-20 minutes, but it is natural to “go in and out” of focus)…
  2. While feeling the heartbeat, visualize yourself sitting in front of a mirror.  “See” pinpoints of light swirling inside your reflected images.
  3. Condense the light into a solid mass.  It tends to average at about ½ your full size.  If you have suffered abuse, you may get no more than a few dabs, possibly even a single point.  No worries.
  4. Morph that mass of light into a human form: from a teenager down to a single fertilized cell.  Focus on feeling  the “heartbeat” in this form.
  5. Become very quiet, and listen for its voice.    If it is “old” enough to speak, take what it says seriously.  You may wish to write down its words using your non-dominant hand.
  6. Whether it can speak or not, swear by all you hold dear and holy that you are now the mother/father of this tiny being.  That you will die before you ever let it be hurt again, and you will live the rest of your life providing a safe place for it to thrive, play, and dream.   “Mommy/Daddy is here” is a great thing to say.    If you have ever held a newborn child, or puppy or kitten, evoke the same protective instincts.  Call forth from yourself the “Tiger” mom or dad that will stand at the mouth of the cave and bare its teeth at anything that would cause your “child’ harm.


This is the basic process I used to heal my own heart, and has worked with countless students.  While an elegant and powerful implementation of this can be found in the “Ancient Child 30-Day” program, if you will just follow these directions, you can teach yourself everything you need.  Somewhere inside you is the memory of having been held and protected and loved–otherwise, “failure to thrive”, people.  You would have died.


Trigger that memory, or genetic potential for nurturance.   Apply it to yourself.  Do this EVERY DAY for a month, and you will love the results.  Your motivation will increase (actually, its just removing your brakes).   You will take less crap from people.  Feel freer to speak your mind.  Feel more love and passion.  Feel like you have more “center” and less “wall.”  Less “shell” and more “spine.”


You will begin to own your own precious life.  Please–begin today.  The life you save may be your own.



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