A student has found himself in the “Dark Night of the Soul” and is currently using the Ancient Child to work his way out. The following note deals with his anguish at the loss of a precious, long-term relationship which triggered the emotional crash.
“I wasted” nine years – this woman was great – none of the others were even remotely that “good”. And she really loved me… Nine years man.. And I blew it –
So hard to forgive myself for all those wasted years… And It cant’ be faked…
Its time to FORGIVE.. I know it. how?
If you have accepted the challenge of mastering your life, have set goals in all four major areas, you will hit the “wall” in one or all of them at different times. If you have no “barriers” on one level, all that means is that you will rocket ahead to a level where you DO have barriers. Resistance is futile. You WILL experience the “downs” in life. Jesus Christ is as evolved a human image as exists in Western Culture, and he experienced despair multiple times. What chance do YOU have of avoiding this? About…zero.
But let’s unpack this rumination as we look into “confront evil–defeated”
Let’s approach this from the perspective that emotions are created by what we focus on, the internal dialogue and language we use, and the way we use our bodies.
- “I wasted nine years.” Only if you didn’t learn. Learn the lesson and apply them to your life, and it is merely experience.
- “I don’t know how to forgive myself.” If your most beloved child gave it everything he had, and failed, and came to you crying and begging forgiveness, how hard would it be to “forgive” him? Pretty damned easy, I’d bet. You would hold and cuddle and comfort him, tell him he was precious and loved, and let him sleep in your arms, gathering strength to get back out there and try again. The “elder” perspective is that falling down is simply part of the process…IF YOU LEARN.
So…the road to power here is to learn the lesson. The way to learn the lesson is to remove the barriers of fear that stop us from seeing clearly (if we look closely, we fear, we will see our wretchedness. What if we knew that if we looked closely enough, we would discover we were wonderful, blessed, divine, unutterably worthy of love, precious beyond belief–no more than an ant but no less than a star?)
And the way to that is simply love. Ever watched a baby learn to walk? They try and fall down and look at you to know whether it was all right. A good parent applauds the effort, praises the baby, and laughs. The baby laughs, because the “meaning” of falling down is a positive thing.
What do we do as adults? The opposite, too often. If we “fall down” we vomit out every negative poisonous belief we’ve ever internalized from the damaged, fearful, manipulative people we have encountered in life. Just TRY being positive, and watch people attack you and try to drag you down into their private hell.
Only love can heal those wounds. A child who is not loved and nurtured DIES. “Failure to thrive.” If you have not found some way, consciously or unconsciously, to feed and protect and love and nurture that “child” part of yourself, there is a part of you that is crying in the dark, wondering why and how you could “do” everything “right”, have all the external rewards, and still wallow in despair.
Focus only on the good parts of someone, and you’ll fall in love. Focus on their negatives, and that’s your route to divorce. The same is true of life. And of your own being.
This is the beginning. If you love a child, damn the odds: you’ll run into a burning house to save them. If your life is burning, either you see no possible route of positive action, or you don’t love yourself enough to do Whatever Is Necessary to create a life of meaning and joy.