If You Don’t Love You, You’ll Never Believe Anyone Else Can, Either

Recently, I met a lady who worked on the television series “Air Wolf.” Now that’s the show on which star Jan-Michael Vincent was said to have self destructed, just drinking all day until he could barely recite his lines.   I asked if the stories were as bad they said.

“He would come in at six in the morning with a thermos filled with Vodka and O.J.” she said.  “Couldn’t get out of the helicopter mock-up.  I asked him why he did that, why he seemed so intent on destroying the show.”

“All he would say is `I don’t know why they like me.’”

The audience.  The executives.

You see, he had been a beautiful surfer-boy when he was discovered by a talent scout in the 1960’s, and cast in a film, THE BANDITS, directed by Wild Wild West’s Robert Conrad.   By the 1980s he was the highest paid star on television (a rumored 200k per episode) and was starting to have alcohol and drug problems.

“I don’t know why they like me.”

In other words, he didn’t like himself.  Didn’t love himself. His self-image didn’t match his success, and when that happens we have one of two choices: change our self image, or change our level of success.   PSYCHO CYBERNETICS was based on the idea that if you positively change your self-image, your behaviors will change for the positive, creating the results you desire.   Conversely, if your self-image deteriorates, your behaviors will change for the worse, until you generate a life that matches them.

Of course, our egos can generate a false shell for a time, allowing us to feel we deserve whatever honors we have received…for a while.  Eventually, the pretender voice in our heads catches up with us, and either we deal with that poison, or we will sabotage our jobs, our relationships, or our bodies (a major reason that diets fail.  There is nothing “wrong” with our bodies. But if your self image doesn’t encompass the consistent behaviors to support the loss, we will slip back to the old patterns, “proving” that there was never hope in the first place)

“I don’t know why they like me.”

How many times have we seen this?  A person is given love, health, wealth, fame, opportunity.  But unless their internal image matches their external reality, they will never ever be able to hold onto it.   The “Ancient Child” program would address this problem as follows:

  1. You may not feel “worthy” consciously, but we all have a built-in sense of protectiveness toward children.  Visualizing the “child” self taps into this genetic and social and familial programming.
  2. Mentalizing  the “ancient” self allows you bypass the ego-driven need for approval.  I can promise you that on his deathbed, Vincent will be admitting he’d been a fool who blew the greatest opportunities in life for health, contribution, and happiness.   Why wait to realize we are worthy of love and joy?  How many times have you looked back at pictures of your younger self and thought “I was so beautiful. Why couldn’t I see it then?”  Tragic.  Enjoy your life now. Now is all there is.
  3. All we need to do to live lives of dynamism and contentment is balance between the dreams of childhood and the values of our older, wiser selves.  And live our adult days in alignment with both.

So tragic.  He threw it all away, because he didn’t feel he deserved it.  “I don’t know why they like me.”  Once upon a time, I didn’t understand how much fear and anxiety it costs to attempt to maintain a life that doesn’t match our self image.   But when you know you are worthy of love, that your sense of joy comes not from others but from a deep connection to our own heart and spirit, we are free.  And when we are free, loved, and safe, we automatically expand to include others in our “Me-ness,” producing the precise “unselfishness” people are taught to generate by putting themselves last.

Please.  Don’t wait to know you are beautiful, and worthy, as you are.  You may not have the disciplines and tactics and strategies necessary to reveal this to the world, and yourself, dynamically.  Not yet.  You are the block of marble.  Your daily actions and rituals are the chisel, chipping away at the block.  Tell me your self image, and your daily actions, and if they match there will be a sense of ease to your life.  And if they are positive, you have the chance to make both the child in your heart and the Ancient you will one day be smile as you reveal, one chip at a time, the beautiful work of art within the stone.




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