The “Mastermind” principle applies to the army of voices within your own head, and the creation of your primary relationship.
In fact, I would say that if you have these two basics, you have the seed from which all else flows. People who are happy, healthy, successful and loving, filled with gratitude and purpose, who understand how every day fits into their overall plan (or better yet, just “zen-ing it”!) automatically begin to extend their humanity to others.
They are strong enough to take no crap, but offer offense to no one. When insulted, they pretty much roll with it the way you would if a baby spit-up on your shoes.
They own themselves, and so while they are interested in your opinion (feedback) are not dependent upon it. Whatever cause you believe in, they can hold a logical and reasonable attitude longer without devolving into schoolyard games. THAT is the kind of human being we need to take the next step in our development. And we need them of every race, creed, nation, political bent, gender, or sexual orientation. The core human being is NOT the same as the specific expression of those lesser dimensions.
So back to basics we go. The beginning is loving yourself. Because love is an antidote for fear, and love also gives you permission to DEFEND yourself. It is very typical for people to be unable to do for themselves things they can do for others. Let me tell you a story…
A long time ago, the father of one of Nicki’s friends (call him Carl) was, for some reason, intimidated by me. He argued with me. Called the police on my dog, and then told me about it and offered to fight me over it. Made not terribly concealed racial insult. I rolled with most of it, because I actually liked him and his family, and especially his daughter (call her Mary), who was dearly beloved of Nicki.
I kept trying to find ways to reach him, and one day when I was over at his house, Carl mentioned that his back was hurting (he was overweight). I offered my jacuzzi, and he gratefully accepted. Score!
But when he came over an hour later, he brought a towel, and folded in it was…a .38 revolver. He asked me to hold it for him while he soaked. I was a little flustered, asking him why he felt he needed it. And he said something about problems with his boss (!) and went on to talk about how much he hated the man…and that he was really, really ugly.
And then said that, in fact, his boss looked just like me.
As Hank Kingsley used to say: hey, now.
Well, needless to say I knew this was about to get very unhappy. I was training with Harley “Swift Deer” Reagan in Jiu Jitsu at the time, and Harley was a wonderful advisor as well as teacher, and I poured my heart out. What do I do? This guy is getting out of control. He is obviously trying to push me in some way I don’t quite understand. I don’t want this to happen–I don’t want to hurt Mary’s daddy!
Swift looked at me with intense sincerity, and said: “and that’s what he’s counting on. And that’s why he’s going to hurt you.”
Oh, snap. Damn. The truth of that hit me hard. I was off balance, and that is a dangerous position to be in when under attack. I went home that night, and thought about what Swift had said, realizing I was caught in a horrible dilemma. I didn’t want to hurt Mary’s father. I adored that little girl. I didn’t want to hurt Mary’s father….
And suddenly, after about twenty minutes of rolling this thought around in my mind, another notion came to me: wait a minute: Carl was trying to hurt NICKI’S father. And something went cold inside me. Wait a minute. He’s trying to make my daughter an orphan. To make my wife a widow.
And suddenly, I saw with crystal clarity that this must not happen. All hesitation gone in an instant. Nothing remained but certainty, cold and clear and calm.
I knew I had to take action, and knew I was 100% capable of doing it. The only question was…what?
I’ll tell you tomorrow. For today, look at the “Secret Formula” (GOALS X FAITH X ACTION X GRATITUDE = RESULTS) and apply it to all four basic aspects of your life (Career, body, relationships, and finances) and if you are not running smoothly in all four, ask yourself if you have the motivation you need to do WIT (Whatever It Takes). You have to admit there is an issue, and you have to be certain you have the motivation, the LEVERAGE, to take decisive action. Don’t worry that you don’t know what you will do. I sure as hell didn’t. But first I had to have clarity, and total motivation, no conflicting emotions, my brakes off.
Until you have those things, an answer could be dangling right in front of you and you wouldn’t see it.
And yeah, it’s mean of me to make you wait to hear what I did. But then, I’m a storyteller. Hand me that flagon of beer and that joint of mutton while I rest my throat, would you?
http://www.lifewritingweekly dot com