If your parents and family were not thriving in a major arena, there is a very good chance you absorbed negative beliefs and values. Mom and Dad are GODS when you are a kid, and your imprintation is massive–a species survival trait. So if they were not healthy in their bodies…their relationship…their joyous career…their finances…you probably modeled their NEGATIVE aspects, just as you model their positive ones. Or…you could swear “I’ll never do THAT” and find the negative behavior exhibited in one of the OTHER arenas. You are great with finances…but hate your job. You are fit…but your relationships are a living hell. The bad news is that this stuff is hard to dig out. The good news is that you CAN dig it out, return your body-mind to the “original manufacturer specifications” by looking at all this stuff as wonky programs that got added atop the ROM of your survival/mating drives. Get back to the core.
This is part of the reason thatk so many powerful transformative disciplines deal with the breath. Cardio-respiratory distress cancels out ANY other concerns. When you have no air, you don’t worry about how you look, what your parents think, who laughed at you in 3rd grade, or your job. It’s GET ME SOME DAMNED AIR!!!
That’s an “edge”, right there. Dealing directly with the core fears (they won’t love me if I X, they’ll hurt me if I Y) implanted in childhood, examining them to ask if you would have deliberately assumed them as an adult, or programmed your most beloved child with such beliefs…this is the Path. To be an adult, you have to have Response-Ability for your emotions. Not “Guilt, Blame, or Shame”, but the ability to control these responses, or at least BE AWARE that they are irrational.
Then, you can seek resources: therapists, gurus, role models, allies, technologies, values, beliefs, whatever.
But first, you have to admit that, just as your computer slows down or crashes if you have conflicting programs, malware, cluttered desktop, damaged memory and so forth, you have to love yourself enough to believe that if you look deeply, you won’t find anything horrible about yourself. That the deeper you look, the more precious the reality becomes.
You are worthy of love, and life, and light.