The other “mastermind”–your Significant Other

After you begin the process of aligning your internal world, it makes sense to look at the next level of building the “Mastermind.” Remember the basic definition: A Mastermind is two or more people aligned in a spirit of harmony, cooperating to reach individual or group goals.

One of the most critical aspects of this sentence is the phrase SPIRIT OF HARMONY. In other words, you are better off with two people in harmony than a hundred people who squabble. There is no better example of this than in an exploration of that most basic “Mastermind” partnership, the human pair-bonded mating. Whether “married” or not, the basic human unit has been the foundation of society since before there were humans. The reproductive core of this relationship makes it central to our understanding of human nature, even if the pair bond obviously extends to couples who have no interest in children, are beyond the age of children, same-sex couples, and so forth.

But there is something very special about a pairing you are committed to, where you can’t simply walk away. And it is very different with another autonomous adult than with a child or a pet. Your relationship with your primary significant other is a mirror for who YOU are. Your intelligence, energy, focus, creativity, self-love, joy…all of these things go “on the table” when seeking relationships.

Now, if you are celibate, or have made a conscious choice to avoid human romantic or sexual relationships for philosophical or religious reasons, this doesn’t apply to you. But I see people lying to themselves all the time–they have a string of failed relationships, and instead of asking what they would need to do to heal themselves to attract and hold a better level of human partner, they say there are “no good men” or “no good women” or they are just too good for the world, etc. It’s actually rather sad.

I would estimate that less than 1% of people really WANT to be alone. For the rest of us, the search for love, the desire to have another human being to share our passion, our travails and triumphs, is a very real thing. And that person should, ideally, be someone who can share our values and dreams, who is courageous enough to call us on our b.s. (This often doesn’t happen–because then, of course, they would be called on THEIR b.s. In a dysfunctional relationship, the first person to tell the truth opens the door to dissolution.) There is nothing more important than this primary partnership–except your integrity within yourself.

Just a few questions to consider in this arena:
1) Look at your past failed relationships. What didn’t you see in the other person that you would have seen had you not been myopic with fear or lust?
2) Look at the best relationship you’ve ever had. What did you do right in this instance that you had not done before, (or if the relationship has ended badly, since.)
3) If you are seeking a new relationship, are you clear upon your values and needs? Are you the equivalent of what you are seeking? How would you need to change, or grow to manifest or mirror the qualities you want in a partner?

Understanding our romantic relationships is a foundation for understanding EVERY other kind of relationship. The reverse is not always true.

-Steve Barnes


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