How do I get into these conversations?

Five times at Balticon, I spoke to people and they released their inner sorrows and fear in tears, and as I have been comforted so many times, I held them and we cried together.   This is…accelerating in my life, and I think it is no longer under my control, if ever it was.  Eric Green asked me how I get into these conversations, and I offered him the following answer:


I just listen to what they are saying. There are an entire universe of things I know nothing about. But pain, love, and fear are my native language. I know when people are experiencing them, and the masks they use to cover them. I don’t shy away, or judge them, and finding love of self and partner, healing pain and dealing with fear are paths well mapped. I tell them there is a way out, and they challenge me, as they should. Trust is hard. Hope kills. And we talk. Those conversations have been changing in character over the years, and now there is a certain clarity: they try to think their way through it, I ask them if they are willing to try thirty days of loving themselves. They give me reasons they cannot, I ask if they are willing to suspend their reasons for thirty days, perform the experiment and see for themselves. I’ve tracked perhaps a hundred people willing to do this, and so far the results have been amazing even to me. All I want to do now is keep testing to refine the experiment so that it requires less trust, less energy to get the result. And with every success, the conviction grows that this is real, and available to anyone willing to spend a month to find out for themselves. And the greater that conviction, the more calm and congruent I become, and the more able to help and guide. This is really an amazing journey, but I suspect that anyone can walk it if they commit to healing, and commit to helping others find the same peace.



  1. How do you take in all that sadness and not let it affect you. My husband jokes about my dayglo orange sticker that says “Tell me your Robles. I can help.” And it must work because it happens all the time, but by the end of the day I’m drained and sad to crying myself. These days my health has become fragile enough that I hermit a lot, saving the spoons for fighting with the best medical system in the world at a point where I’m making choices between food and meds. I’d like to be more social, but not if I can’t figure out a way of listening and giving without absorbing everything. Thanks.


    1. I start by loving myself, connecting to my heart and “child” and “elder” selves EVERY MORNING. And give to others only from the overflow. In Aikido they refer to “extending your ki.” Envision a stream flowing sluggishly. If it is connected to a cess pool, the cess pool will back up into the stream and pollute it. But if the stream flows rapidly, it actually purifies the cess pool. By connecting with Source (call this whatever you wish: God, the Universe, the Divine, the Deep Unconscious…I don’t care, as long as its not your ego) you tap into an energy larger than your frailty. And so long as you stay connected there, you are “borrowing” energy, not depleting your own finite supply. This is why a daily ritual of action, emotion, and focus is essential to my being.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s