“Acquit yourself of the fear of ill health by the decision to forget symptoms. Master the fear of loss of love by reaching a decision to get along without love, if that is necessary.
Kill the habit of worry, in all its forms, by reaching a general, blanket decision that nothing which life has to offer is worth the price of worry. With this decision will come poise, peace of mind, and calmness of thought which will bring happiness.” —Napoleon Hill
What is the First Step? Self love. Connect with your own source of love, whatever you call it: your heart, God, Universal source, the life force, the Womb Memory…it doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is that you “get”, deeply, that every external affection, affirmation, acclamation or reward you’ve ever sought has been a shadow of this basic connection.
Once you get that, then and ONLY then are you capable of creating a bond with another healthy autonomous human being: not out of “need” but of “want.” Not to have a place to “get” but to “give” joyfully…to another human being who loves giving. (And friends, if you’ve never been in a relationship like that, it is a revelation!)
Only if you deeply love yourself can you look deeply into your own flaws and failings, know you’ve done the best you can, and commit to do better, without making excuses. Only then can you love another flawed human being…or look at the entire history of humanity and see us not as evil but as creatures traveling between the mud and the stars, as much a part of nature as an amoeba or a nebula.
Only then can you love yourself enough to refuse to let ANYONE treat you with less than the respect you deserve, and to have faith that you can act with integrity and kindness and still transform the world.
Love is the beginning, but so long as you NEED that love from others, you are trapped. When Jason is angry and screams “I hate you!” if I NEEDED his approval, I would be hurt, and the disciplinary moment would start being about me, and my wounded emotions, rather than the boy who so desperately needs BOTH my strength and softness.
I don’t give a damn if he likes me. I have enough friends. I don’t need a twelve-year-old friend, and he doesn’t need a 64-year old “buddy.” He needs a FATHER.
Parent yourself. Connect yourself to your own source. Be free.
1) Heartbeat Meditation
2) Ancient Child
3) Morning Ritual
And of course, journaling, prayer, celebration and ceremony of countless kinds. Whatever you use, DO IT. Start here. And then, that seed well planted…