Asking if we need to lie, one reader said:
“We are built to embellish and tell stories. Life would really suck if you lived by brutal honesty. Try for a day. Just one day. You will spend years repairing those relationships. Years.”
“Brutal” is the word you used. You can’t add a modifier and say that represents the original statement. I could be honest for a day without damaging any relationships. Not a single lie. Does that mean that I say everything I think? No, but that would actually be impossible, even if it was all good. Actually it would be insane as well. We all edit. But that doesn’t mean we have to lie. If my head was filled with hate and anger…yeah, maybe. But that just means there is work to do cleaning out my own heart.”
In other words, if you feel your lies hold back a dam of resentment, bitterness, pain…that if you were honest you would lash out, that means you have a LOT of fear: anger is fear. That means that you have a lot of work to do. When you remove fear, what remains is love.
And since most violence, verbal or physical stems from anger and fear, once you deal with the fear, you have also removed most violence from the equation (predation remains. Some of that is fear of lack, and can be dealt with by offering resources. But some is simple pleasure in causing pain, and that cannot be reasoned with. I would estimate that that is no more than 1% of overall violence. Most can be traced back to fear)
What can you do to deal with this fear? Within the Lifewriting system there are many choices:
- The Ancient Child. The fear will usually hit at deep levels, damage that occurred prior to sexual maturity. So meditating on the “inner child” self and comforting that child can be magical.
- Journaling. Either as your adult self, or your “child self” (using your non-dominant hand) you can explore the fears that damaged your heart, and gain insights into how to deal with it.
- Heartbeat meditation. Pure and strong. Just listening to your heartbeat for 15-20 minutes a day.
- The Spider Technique. The nuclear bomb of fear removal. Most people won’t do it, because they actually define themselves by their damage. This is the real deal. You need aerobic fitness to do this one, enough to go into “second wind.” Basically, you flood yourself with fear for 10 minutes, then perform the aerobic activity until you hit second wind. No intellectual “thinking” about this can prepare you for the actual experience. You will, in general, decrease your fear response by about 20% every time you do it. An entire book could be written on this one.
- “Glitter in water”. Visualize a glass tube filled with water. Glitter is swirling in the water. Watch until it settles. This might take you weeks, but it is worth it.
Most people who have fear and anger issues will look at this list with interest, but not do anything about it. They are, in other words, both afraid of their fear and define themselves by it. Cannot believe that there is another way to live. Many of those will, however, eventually hit threshold and want something else, something more. When they’re ready, there are many arms to embrace them, many paths to healing. If mine isn’t appropriate, so be it.
But I pray they find one that is.