My “men only” “women only” experiment


About ten days ago, I asked a “women only” question about STEM and despite my specific request that men stay out of it, more than 10% of the respondents were men.   Heh.


Yesterday I asked a “men only” question about a different subject, and I’d reckon less than 5% of the respondents were women–and in one case, a second woman reminded her to be polite. And in the other case, the woman PM’d me and apologized.


While this is a very, very limited sample, I think it illustrates the whole “privilege” thing. I’ve seen the same thing with white people interjecting opinions into threads clearly asking questions of black people, and straights interjecting into threads asking questions of gays. A belief that your group needs not play by rules, or represents the Universal Human and therefore knows all, sees all. That you have the right to set the tone and standard, regardless of what you’ve been requested to do. That you determine what is or is not courteous.


What is worse is that when someone does this, and you call them on it, they often explode or collapse.   This is the cost of leaving the Matrix, if you have actually accepted the cultural delusions, and base your ego upon those lies.  Concern about the Alamo movie house having a woman-only screening of WONDER WOMAN falls into this category.  If there were vast arenas in which men were excluded to their detriment…fine.  But do you think the guys objecting to this similarly complained about arenas that exclude women?   When the issue is “Black Lives Matter” and someone screams “why don’t ALL lives matter?” do they grasp that society has never behaved as if that were true?


If on a deep, secret level you believe women, or blacks, or gays, or whatever are inferior, then you get to feel like a wonderful human being for being gracious enough to ACT as if they are equal.     But God help them if they actually act as if they BELIEVE they are equal.   Let alone if they act as if they are BETTER, as your group always has.   In other words…if they are human, and act with the same ego-centric wish to define their territory and stand on top of the world.


They can be equal…but only on YOUR terms.   Pretend-equal.


When you really, really believe in human equality, you grasp that these other groups will want the same things, including the right to feel superior.   The Jews are the Chosen People. The Japanese are all related to the Emperor, who is divine. God made whiskey so that the Irish wouldn’t rule the world.  That is HEALTHY.  Natural.  Normal.  And sick when people don’t naturally “strut” like that.   It is EXTRAORDINARY to find people rising above that perspective.  Seeing humanity as a unified whole. It requires a perspective similar to an astronaut orbiting the earth and seeing the world without boundaries.


It is up to you to decide if this perspective is a good thing.  I can understand someone who says it is not.  But this position, this perspective, makes total sense to me.


Equal means you have the same right to make an ass of yourself, for as many of your group to consider yourselves superior.  That’s human. When you demand that the other group be BETTER or you will consider them INFERIOR, you have set up a “heads I win, tails you lose” game, and anyone who accepts it is automatically a sap.




This was a small experiment, just a little test to see what would happen.  Not scientific at all. But it does back up informal observation, as well as reportage from ANY disadvantaged group: that the dominator group feels it has the right to define the rules, and will then become fragile and angry and DANGEROUS if you simply suggest that they do not. Will attack you and claim you are not living up to standards they themselves cannot maintain.   But YOU must, or you are broken.


Fall for this, and you’re screwed.   The way to avoid it is simple: only care what people say if you agree it is true.   Test truth by applying your principles to body, career, and relationships.   Look at people further down the road than you: healthier bodies, more successful careers, happier families all maintained for longer.   Don’t ask yourself to be perfect, just continually adjust to match the critical overlap between what they say about life, and humanity, and love, and spirit.    Oddly, they seem to be congruent with what the best and most revered spiritual teachers have been saying forever.


That it all flows from love, and unity, and taking responsibility for your own emotions.


People’s wounds will scream at you. Their fear masquerades as anger.  They believe that if they do not control, they will be controlled.   If you agree with them…walk their path. Report back to me in a few years and let me know how that works out, would you?




There is another way, a new opportunity.  Just start with the assumption of equality and work backwards from there.  It’s all a matter of faith anyway: you can’t “prove” it one way or another (so why in the world waste your time arguing with trolls?)  That means equal right to be asinine of course.


But the beautiful thing is that those on either side who have faith in this can communicate beautifully. The others must be combative, will try to control you, tell you what to think and say and be.  If that is attractive to you, go for it.


But I think we have a different path opening for us, perhaps for the first time in human history.  That’s MY belief.  The world makes perfect sense from that perspective.   I like that.





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