How was last week? Did you manage to keep positive for seven days, without going into negativity for more than two minutes at a time? Yes? GREAT! Celebrate! You have done something wonderful. Now let’s go for two in a row!
The “Life Hacks” system is based on the notion of tiny shifts that make big changes. And that means 5 minutes a day, for just seven days. We’ve talked about breaking the unresourceful breathing patterns by using 60 seconds of deep, diaphragmatic breathing every 3 hours, or whenever you feel stressed. Fabulous stuff.
The next step is to begin to spend at least five minutes every morning on your “morning ritual”. This means that you move, focus attention, and chant incantations all at the same time. I use Tai Chi, but walking, running, yoga, rebounding and other activities can work well too. MOST PEOPLE WILL LEAVE OUT THE PHYSICAL COMPONENT, and this is a major mistake. All three. Your resistance is exactly what we are seeking to uncover and correct.
After you have these, you want to look at the CHILD-ADULT-ELDER complex. Infinitely variable, you can use it for fear, motivation, healing, goal setting, increasing energy, discipline, spiritual growth, finding your soulmate…it is just amazing. For instance, let’s look at how you can use it to motivate yourself to do the SEVEN DAY EMOTIONAL DIET.
The most important thing you can do is to set your watch for three hours and breathe for sixty seconds every time it goes off. If you didn’t do it…why not?
Why wouldn’t you invest five minutes a day to see if I’m right, if you WOULD spend the time reading this? Doesn’t that seem illogical to you?
Something is stopping you.
I asked a simple question of the ladies last week: WOULD YOU FIGHT HARDER FOR YOUR CHILD THAN FOR YOURSELF?
There were only two answers? Either an emphatic “yes” or a statement that they already go all-out, and there would be no different. No one has EVER suggested that they would fight harder for themselves than their child. Not once. So let’s just assume that no healthy human being would say such a thing.
Using the CHILD-ADULT-ELDER configuration, you would start by getting clear on what the ADULT wants to accomplish. NOT the “to do” list–that’s HOW to accomplish your goals.
For instance: GOAL; to write a book a year.
TO-DO: Write at least one sentence a day.
That will do it, for reasons I’ve explained elsewhere. But if you can’t get yourself to do this tiny amount, there is an EMOTIONAL problem, not a problem with logistics or energy. If you had the time to read this, you had the time to write a dozen sentences, my friend.
Don’t like. “Do not think dishonestly”. Musashi’s first principle.
Somehow, you couldn’t motivate yourself to do this tiny amount. That means that you have more PAIN associated with writing a sentence than PLEASURE associated with it.
Why? Usually fear. We’ll talk about what kinds of fears they might be another time. Right now, let’s focus on the other side. You don’t have to remove fear to take action. You just have to have more reasons to DO IT.
If we accept that human beings, on average, will do more for their families/children than for themselves, we can use this.
How? By visualizing that “child” self as we’ve discussed. In your meditation/visualization, get her to tell you her dreams. Harlan Ellison said that “success is bringing into existence, in adult terms, your childhood dreams.”
You commit, as an adult, to creating a world where your “child” can play the games she desires. Do that, and you can go down into the coal mine and get black lung disease, if your “child” is healthy and happy. But do this right, and you can do a bad job temporarily to get to a position that more than protects your child, but actually provides expression.
Specifically, if you have to work at a bad job, but are writing at least one sentence a day, you are telling your “child” that you are respecting her dreams. Moving toward them a step at a time. The trick will be finding ways that writing that book ties into childhood dreams.
Remember that EVERYTHING we do is about moving away from pain, and toward pleasure. Whatever those childhood dreams were, that’s what they represented. And it is worth finding the adult equivilencies of those childhood dreams.
Ruler of the world? Try president of a service organization that provides some personally relevant value to the world.
Playing major league ball? Try playing on the company softball teacm, or coaching Little League.
Becoming a superhero? Try creating superhero comics or stories. Or…being a “Big Brother”/”Big Sister” and see the awe in their eyes as you help them learn to navigate the world.
There’s a way. If Jason has a dream, it is my job as Dad to show him how the mundane daily actions are steps toward that dream. Love, adventure, sports glory or financial success? To the degree that I can make him believe that algebra, or history, or exercise, or courtesy, are a route to a goal that HE chooses, he has just learned how to motivate himself with pleasure: “learn to multiply this negative exponent, and I’ve learned how to discipline myself, and follow stupid rules. If I can do that, I can keep my grades up. Do that and I can play on the team. Do that, and I can see how close to the NBA I can get, or maybe get a college scholarship out of the deal, so I can get a better job and find a semipro league to play in.”
That’s what I have to do for Jason. That’s what I have to do for myself, every morning: WHY does my goal relate to my emotional needs? Ask my “little boy”. Negotiate with him. Maybe its just that if he gives me the creativity and energy to complete a stupid task, I’ll reward him by watching an episode of GOLGO-13. He just LOVES watching Duke Togo cap some poor fool from two miles away with an impossible shot. YEAH!!!
I hood my childhood enthusiasms to my adult need to navigate every day with passion and discipline. And if I have a good day, I can have a great week.
That’s linking CHILD and ADULT for a mundane task. Here’s a question for you: what would happen if you linked your “ELDER” into that? Found a way to connect your task to your ultimate life values? Can you see how you move to an entirely new level of motivation and potential excellence? Remember: mastery is a matter of focus over time. Sure, there are other aspects (modeling, feedback, etc.) but focus over time is the single easiest metric to track.
This is how you get there, one day at a time!
P.S.– thank you for helping to make the launch for THE SUNKEN PLACE our best ever. As we promised, the price has gone up fifty dollars to 298, where it will stay at least until December 1st.
BUT…Tananarive reported that at least one person had trouble accessing the website at WWW.REALBLACKHORROR.COM. So…
I’m going to trust you on this. If you tried to get on last night, and couldn’t, send me a personal email at steven@diamondhour and I’ll give you that 248 price TODAY ONLY.
Write with passion!