IF only Tybalt and Mercutio had only been wounded instead of killed…
IF only Romeo and Juliet had been a little older and wiser…
The English-speaking world’s most famous love story might have ended with a wedding instead of a funeral, and been a comedy instead of a tragedy.
If you’ve never had the sense of “we were made for each other!” that timeless sense, that “discovering the other half of me” sense, that “sweet mystery of life I’ve finally found you” sense.
For the naïve, the first time you have experienced the blend of love and sex, it can feel EXACTLY that way. I had that with my first real love, that sense of melting together, of infinite possibilities, of fate’s door opening to reveal a path unknown.
Heck, I was just a guy looking to be happy in life, and hadn’t really understood that the next level of joy was COMMITMENT to another human being. The RIGHT human being. I remember a woman who lusted after me sexually telling me that something changed in me after my mother died. “Your green light went on” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, its as if you were a Taxi with a red light on the roof, meaning no passengers allowed. Not for a long trip. Maybe a short one. And now….you have a green light. You’re looking for something deeper, longer.” And there was a bit of sadness in her voice, because she had a “green light” too…but we were heading in different directions. For a short trip? Sure, that could have worked. But the real thing? A bonded, loving relationship trying to build a life together?
No. Our values, hopes, dreams, and energy “frequency” didn’t match. We could have pretended they did for a weekend…but it would have been foolish, and dishonest, to pretend it was more.
That article speaks to the “If you were meant to be together, you will be together” notion. And…that is a perfectly reasonable idea, rather tautological in fact, if you simply say “if it didn’t happen, it wasn’t meant to be.”
In other words, you don’t get to say “we were meant to be together, and SHE/HE didn’t see it!” or
“We were meant to be together, but the world stopped us.” No, if it didn’t happen, it wasn’t “meant to be.”
Stalkers seem to get this wrong all the time: “we’re meant to be together, I just have to show them.” THAT attitude sounds like a special, Valentine’s Day episode of “Criminal Minds”, doesn’t it?
To use this, you have to love yourself enough to be complete, to satisfy all of your own “needs” leaving on ly “wants”. You also have to genuinely enjoy your own company, enough to really believe that you would want to be with yourself. NO CHEATING HERE. You really have to have that sense of satisfaction and joy.
You need to feel you are unique, precious, that your heart is a thing of infinite value. And to know that while you are unique, in a world of seven billion people, there are millions you could love. All you have to do is be confident enough to put your “green light” on, knowing that you can survive rejection, and then put yourself out there. Meet people, find a vehicle for your voice. “This is who I am” you say to the world, like a bird signing in the forest. IT isn’t trying to attract EVERY bird. Just the right one.
You only need one. I’ve talked to countless people with long, happy marriages. And most of them met that person in under fifty dates. Often around twenty-five. To me, that implies that the person we’re looking for is in our web of personal and professional association. Further, that there are SEVERAL potentials, because many of them will already be in relationships or otherwise have their “red lights” on.
Just one. Who is right. And ready.
Considering that that person is probably known to someone you know NOW, or no more than two people away, there is no such thing as a “Friend Zone.” Only friends, who might introduce you to THEIR friends, if you are a good person, if you don’t make the mistake of confusing lust with love. If you love them…you will want them to be happy. If you can’t grasp that, you are an obsessive child, and they were right to run from you.
And you can admit that you have that wound IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF. And if you don’t…you can learn to. That is always available to us. And it is the starting place.
The person you were “meant” to be with, looking back over your time line, you will be with. But first you have to be whole within yourself. No bullshit. NO cheating. No pretending. No “Pick Up Artist” games. No “Make A Man Fall In Love With You.” No pity parties about how horrible the Other Sex is.
NO taking advice from people who have not themselves run the race and won the trophy: a relationship of passion, joy, love and purpose that has lasted over twenty years.
Ignore what the others say. Listen to your elders, not the children burning in the fire of First Love/First Sex.
That’s how Romeo and Juliet ended up dead, you know.
Love yourself…and share the love!