An emotionally fragile woman marries a dominating husband. Slowly, day by day, she becomes more convinced that there is something wrong. That he has sinister designs. But he is slowly dismantling her belief that her own perceptions are accurate. Day by day, night by night, she begins to lose touch with reality. Question her mind. Is she insane?
She apparently hallucinates. Remembers things that never happened, and forget things that have. If she trusts her husband, she cannot trust her mind. If she can trust her mind…she is living with a maniac. Torn, frightened, confused, increasingly lost in a world of delusion, she is on the road to destruction.
The instant you stop trusting yourself, the instant someone can intimidate, wheedle, guilt-trip, blackmail or bribe you into losing trust in your perceptions, they have destroyed your adult mind, and have access to your “child wiring.”
And then…God help you.
This is what abusers do. They get you to question your own perceptions of reality. What you experience is not true. I know truth, and can present studies, statistics, experts to support my position. Ignore what you have seen and heard. Trust me, not your own sense.
Buy into that, and they can “program” you to believe anything that is good for them.
How do you develop this? You can do it two ways:
- You can start by opening your heart, to hear your own voice and feel that flow of emotion. Then you must measure the results of following your heart in the real world, the PHYSICAL world.
- You can commit to rooting yourself in your body. Mastering a physical skill, getting fit, losing weight, connecting with that animal reality. Then…evaluate the results you get from following that animal instinct.
In both cases, you go see if following those instincts take you away from pain and toward pleasure. Are the results and actions in alignment with your values? Take you toward your goals?
AFTER you have connected with heart and body, THEN integrate the mind. Do NOT trust your mind without anchoring experience in your body and emotions.
Get that? Either open your heart and connect it with your body, OR awaken your body and then open your heart. The mind, untethered to your physical reality, will deceive you. Some of the most unfortunate people I know are very intelligent people with no physical connection. They build delusion palaces and can convince themselves of anything.
BEHAVIOR IS TRUTH. Whether knowing if you are deceiving yourself, if your theories are accurate, or if you are in the hands of an abuser. WHAT THEY DO IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT THEY SAY.
And only if you have experience in trusting your animal instincts, guiding them with your human heart, can you trust that your intellect is not simply “gaming” you. Your ego not simply protecting itself by lying to you.
Do this, and you will start identifying the “still small voice” of your true self. And once you have found that voice, it is very, very difficult for people to “gaslight” you ever again.
- Open your heard by sitting quietly and listening to your heartbeat for 10–20 minutes a day. “Anahata Meditation” is powerful and safe. Journal the emotions that come up afterwards.
- Use the “Ancient Child” visualization to connect with the deep self. Powerful and effective.
Loving and trusting yourself is the core of being an awake, aware, adult human being. There is no substitute for owning your own life and being.
(for your free copy of the “Ancient Child” meditation, join us for an exploration of the “Soulmate” concept, coming up in February. http://www.soulmateprocess.com)