Soulmate Questions

The first step in the “Soul Mate Process” is to love yourself.  The second is to love one other person, or to admit that you wish such a relationship.


Once admitted, we step into the danger zone: the “Soul Mate Process” is to make a clear, uncompromised list of the qualities you want in a life partner.  Then to find, within the circle of people you can reach, 1-3 people who come the closest to what your heart yearns for, and ask them what they are looking for in a partner.   If you’ve made your list well, what they describe is what you wish YOU were, because what you want, on a deep level, is to be an energetic match for the partner you desire.


This is confrontational as hell, I totally understand it.   But that’s the bull’s eye.    Let’s take a look at a comment from a student:


“You do realize that asking that to someone comes off as “coming on too hard”.

Or like “wow this guy is hitting on me” 

Some people don’t even believe in soulmates and just laugh it off.

My friend D.  n has worked with me snd we have tried different approaches. In truth a lot of women don’t know what the hell they want… so how can I become that which they have no clear picture of?

This concept is portrayed beautifully from a spiritual concept..but in real life application it falls very short on actual results.”


This is great–SO much to unpack.

“You do realize that asking that to someone comes off as “coming on too hard.”

Not if you aren’t, and they have powers of discernment.    Your responsibility is to be certain you aren’t hitting on them–which demands that you are being clear and centered.  Not coming from “neediness”.  How do you do that?   Remember the very first principle:  LOVE YOURSELF.   If you are really connected to your own heart, you aren’t “leaking” needy energy.  Not projecting needy body language.

SECOND: “The person within your circle”    If you are saying that you have no women in your circle who believe what you say, with whom you have rapport, then you need a deeper, more loving connection with your own heart, enough to embrace both masculine and feminine aspects, from where you can see the opposite sex as human beings, rather than as plumbing.    You default back to the first step!


If you are sincerely asking an honest question, without hidden agenda, and they cannot see this, then they lack discernment.   And you have to ask: was the ability to see truth on your list?    If YOU can see truth, if YOU are clear, you will start attracting people who are the same.  Remember: we attract people at our level…and below.    If you desire a quality you are not attracting, you lack that quality yourself, and have a new target to develop!


“Some people don’t even believe in Soulmates and laugh it off.”  So? You aren’t looking for everyone.  What “some people” laugh at isn’t your concern. You are looking for 1-3 people who will answer an honest, heartfelt question.


“My friend D.  has worked with me and we have tried different approaches.” 

Good!  You haven’t tried this one, I promise you.


In truth a lot of women don’t know what the hell they want… so how can I become that which they have no clear picture of?”


Whoa.   Can you see the anger and fear encoded into this, indicated by the expletive “what the hell”?    Let’s dive in here.   “A lot” is irrelevant, because you are only looking for 1-3.   “A lot of women don’t know…” as opposed to a lot of PEOPLE?   Implication: women are different.   Nope, you aren’t looking deeply enough  into your own heart.  You want someone with clarity.   Was that on your list?   No?  Then you didn’t know what YOU wanted, did you?   And…you are attracting what you are.  Clarity attracts clarity.  Confusion attracts confusion. And men who think women are aliens attract women who think men are aliens.  You guys have fun.

“How can I become that which they have no picture of?”   Well, once again, you’re talking about people who don’t know what they want.  Increase the clarity in your own life, and you start attracting others with that quality.  YOU CANNOT FAKE THIS. Just by starting this process, you have identified areas you need to grow.  EVEN BEFORE YOU’VE ASKED A SINGLE QUESTION,  you are learning, if you can listen to the voices in your head.


This concept is portrayed beautifully from a spiritual concept..but in real life application it falls very short on actual results.’


It isn’t a spiritual perspective. It is an holistic perspective, which INCLUDES the spiritual dimension. But you don’t have to include it yourself.  The “Soulmate Process” says to list everything that you really want in a partner.  EVERYTHING. Maybe you only want a slammin’ body, someone who is sane and healthy,  fun and frisky in bed, and makes 80k a year.  That’s decently balanced, with no real spiritual dimension on the list.

Even before you ask someone, all you’d have to do is start with the “equals” part of the equation: YOU have to have a slammin’ body, love yourself enough to heal yourself, free yourself of sexual inhibitions, make 80k a year, and you are going to attract people on that frequency.  But once you actually develop friendships with women sufficient to communicate with them open-heartedly, you’ll probably find that they have some additional needs that are complementary rather than equivalent.   The above mentioned woman, for instance, often is willing to accept a man with less fitness if he has more money.  In other words, she is willing to love a partner who invests his energy a little more in creating a stable home and wider behavioral options through a larger amount of financial power.

But just DEFINING what you really want automatically moves you in that direction.

“Real life application” is confusing unless and until you take the earlier steps: love yourself, clearly define what you want (and for you that would include clarity and wisdom, yes? If you don’t attract it, you don’t have it, and know precisely where you need to work)


This process cannot be faked. It is not “picking up.”  It is not a set of tricks for men to get women into bed, or women to make men fall in love with them.


It is seeing humanity as a mirror, and using that mirror to groom and heal and grow your own soul.  Ultimately, it is about YOU.  Who are YOU? If you are attracting only  confused, insecure women, THAT TELLS YOU SOMETHING.


Men: there are beautiful, powerful, mature,  balanced, sensual women out there.

Women: there are handsome, powerful, mature, balanced, sensual men out there.


The price for meeting them is that you must BE one.  If you feel you are not beautiful (for instance) then if you want beauty in a partner, you will either have to match or balance it.


If you can’t, then you must step back and take another look,  go deeper into your conception of self, until you pierce that veil and see deeper than the physical.  To love yourself even if you don’t match some external measurement of  “beauty”.  Can you see your wonder and power and sensuality despite not matching that external standard?   Yes? THEN YOU SHOULD NO LONGER DEMAND IT IN YOUR PROSPECTIVE PARTNER.


Simple.  Either step up or step back.


Either become what you desire, or stop demanding of others what you cannot yourself contribute to the relationship.   To do this, you have to love yourself enough to really see you’ve done the best you could with what you had, at this phase of your life.  How will you know you’ve gone that deeply? When you can see the beauty in others at a similar level.

Don’t demand what you can’t give.

“There is a price for success, and the price is ALWAYS paid in advance”–Jim Rohn.


The beauty of this process is its mercilessness.  You cannot fake it or “game it.”   You can walk the path, or not.

Last thing.  Let’s say you don’t yet have the courage, clarity and self-love to do the “Process” at its higher level, to actually step to a powerful, beautiful person and ask the truth of what their hearts yearn for. What do you do then?  The best you can.


  1. Start with loving yourself.  ALWAYS.  DEEPLY.
  2. Just listing what you really desire has power.   You are increasing clarity, which gives you direction
  3. You can simply set out to either become what you have listed (equal amounts of beauty and power) or complement it in Yin-Yang balance.
  4. Be sure that your list includes a partner who loves themselves, is emotionally healthy and balanced.
  5. Be sure that your list is not a “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” screed based on the notion that we are aliens who cannot understand each other.   Most of what human beings are is independent of gender. Gender creates spice and attraction, but the underlying human realities are identical across the species.  The degree to which you cannot see this is the degree to which you will attract someone who is the same. The two of you are going to enter a dangerous, and potentially toxic dance of mis-communication.
  6. Find people who have those characteristics who have been happily married for  twenty years or more.  If you don’t have them in your circle, widen your circle.  If you cannot do this, look in the mirror: what would need to heal within you to attract healthier, happier people? Heal it.
  7. Look into biographies and interviews with public figures who seem to have the qualities on your list.   What kind of partners do they bond to?  Look for the people who stayed married for a lifetime.
  8. Study multiple people. Extract what is similar in their partners, looking into body, career, and emotions.  Head in that direction.
  9. As you learn to see the opposite sex as human rather than plumbing (although that plumbing is wonderful!) you should develop friendships with the opposite sex. If you can’t, then you are sexualizing in unsexual contexts, and are NOT sufficiently connected to your own life force.  Go back to step #1.



Depending on how you look at it, this process is either deadly practical,  emotionally healing, piercingly psychological, or highly spiritual.  Start with either the PRACTICAL or the EMOTIONAL levels. Until you handle those…you aren’t ready for the spiritual. And if you do handle those…the spiritual level takes care of itself.





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