“Incels” are Everywhere

The “Incel” phenomenon is basically people blaming the world for their own non-optimal habits and damaged emotions.  Confusing ignorance for wisdom.   Clustering in pity parties  and reassuring each other that there’s nothing wrong with THEM, it’s those damned X;s.    I see similar behaviors with physical, mental, and other social arenas.


It is so sad.  They spend more time evolving complex theories to explain their failures (“nothing wrong with US!”) than brainstorming solutions.    They listen to other failures, rather than studying successes.

Its heart breaking.  Some of these people are perfectly intelligent, attractive, whatever.  But they want the world to come to THEM.  They think their egos can survive the process of transformation.  Letting fear control their lives and kill their dreams.   I suspect there are “Incel” attitudes in every major arena of life.

As Jim Rohn said: there is a price for success, and the price is always paid in advance.

No, I don’t think smart people do more of this. It is just more disorienting  when they do.   (“But…they’re SMART!”)


Here’s something to think about:

  1. We make decisions emotionally and justify them logically
  2. Everyone is just smart enough to bullshit themselves.


I do not exclude myself from the above.  Ultimately, there are things I cannot “prove” about my positions, and I admit that.    Human equality is one.   Unlike Flat Earthers and Anti-Vaxxers and a few other things, there really are reasonable arguments on both sides.  So I just ask myself a few things, with the underlying “Faith-based” assumptions clearly marked:


  1. Do my beliefs allow me to love and understand myself and humanity?  (belief: at the core of human beings is a dance between love and fear)
  2. Do my beliefs put primary responsibility on the guy in the mirror? (belief: I have the power to determine my life experience)
  3. Do my beliefs take the “easy road” of assuming tribal superiority?   (belief: human equality between groups)
  4. Do my beliefs explain the past?   (belief: while human behavior cannot be predicted on the individual level, we CAN understand it after the fact)
  5. Do my beliefs explain current events?
  6. Do my beliefs point a clear path of action to a better future (beliefs: since a billionth of a second after the Big Bang, the history of the universe has been a continuing process of increasing complexity and connection.  Problems created by humans can be solved by humans)
  7. Do my beliefs empower humans or disempower them?   (belief: anything anyone else can learn something, I can learn it, and anyone with a healthy nervous system can learn it. Some, however, learn faster or transfer skills from one arena to another and seem to be “naturals”. The best single approach is to model the beliefs, actions, and strategies of people who have already accomplished your goals, especially those who started at a point close to your own origin.  But the smarter and more perceptive you are, the easier it is to extract these critical maps even from people in other fields, of other ethnicities or genders, nationalities, or born in different eras. The underlying human stuff is the same, and life has never changed in its essence)
  8. Do my beliefs explain extreme human behaviors without dehumanizing?   (Belief: at the core of EVERY human action is the desire to connect with the divine)
  9. Do I piss off the extremes on both sides?  (You betcha!)
  10. Are the first steps for change available to all?   (Absolutely: A) sixty seconds of deep, diaphragmatic breathing every 1-3 minutes.   B) Love yourself.   The beginning “buy in” is only five minutes a day.  Belief:   Anyone who says they care, but can’t find five minutes a day IS LYING TO THEMSELVES.)

There are probably others, but I thread those needles and ask:  Is it true?  Is it useful?  Is it kind?

If I can’t prove its true, it better the hell be useful and kind.

Sometimes the truth stings, but if the ego is the only part recoiling, I think that’s not excessive, when the potential gain is, literally, the love, life, passion, success and joy you desire.





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