No one can “abandon” you unless you’ve already abandoned yourself.

The ultimate intent of this program is Awakened Adulthood.   That’s the honest truth. But the safe way to approach it is through achieving dynamic balance FIRST. That means either dealing with the “lower” more foundational drives: survival, sex, power.  Or dealing with the emotional drives: love, fear, and anger.   Connect to the well of love, and then let that spread to the lower drives, then once anchored, spread to the higher drives to find expansion and altruism (identification with Other as Self).  Either works.  But the attempt to “awaken” the higher levels without grounding can be like building a house atop a cess pool.   I got a very typical note from a spiritual aspirant today, who deals with self-loathing (wounded heart) and has begun a new relationship (sex) and has uncovered some sadly common twisted wiring in the process…


Dear Steven.

I found my soulmate – 100% sure…

Now the “shock” – twofold:

1) I am scared to be abandoned again

2) She hast tremendous sexual experience – its hard for me to handle that – she is a fantastic woman, but a part of me is judging her as a “whore” – which is stupid of course – she is a free woman – and she is in a different “mode now”..

Any idea how to handle that?

Love and THANK YOU for the soulmate program.



Simple, really–but not necessarily “easy.”

  1. No one can “abandon” you unless you’ve already abandoned yourself.   They can leave–that’s the risk with relationships. But the “I am abandoned” feeling is the Needy Wounded Abandoned child part of your heart.   This is why the Ancient Child technique is CRITICAL.  You have to love yourself, and nourish yourself, and nurture yourself deeply enough that you have zero doubt that you would be happy and healthy no matter what.   What you WANT is her.  What you NEED is you.
  2. It is not “stupid” to judge her sexual experience.  It is, however, non-optimal, and a sign that you are dealing with conflicting instructions regarding sex.  Where did you get your original programming regarding sexuality?  Parents?  Church?  Friends?  Society?   Clearly, you have a “split” that doesn’t allow you to freely connect your animal, human, and spiritual selves, and see that the energy is all the same thing.   Someone poisoned you against yourself.  I won’t ask you to accept my attitudes, but I WOULD like you to contemplate the following, and see what kind of mental dialogue comes up for you:
  1. Is sex a natural, normal animal hunger? Why or why not?
  2. Is it possible to isolate sex from love, to deal with it as a simple appetite, an art-form in itself, or a stress reduction behavior par excellence?
  3. Can you forgive yourself for mistakes you made in the past, or are they a part of your nature forever?
  4. Is pleasure a positive value?   Is it conditional?
  5. Are two adult human beings free to express their emotions and physicality?  Who has the right to sit in judgement upon them?
  6. Are women the same sensual beasts men are?  And if so, is that a good thing?
  7. Where did you get your attitudes about sex? What exactly are they?
  8. Would you have consciously adopted these attitudes as an adult?
  9. Would you deliberately give these attitudes to your own most beloved child?

Write down the answers to these questions. Engage with them during your meditations.  Do NOT stop your morning ritual. A 100% natural trick the ego uses is to tell you “ah!  Things are better now!   We can stop all this meditation nonsense.”

That is exactly like saying: “ah!  We’re cruising in the fast lane on the freeway.  All is well.  We don’t need this car any more.”

BEWARE.   Begin with love.  Connect your body to your heart.  Then connect your head to heart and body.  You are no longer a child, vulnerable to imprintation by family and strangers. You are an adult. An adult heterosexual female wants an adult male.   The “abandonment” fear suggests that you have maturing to do before you can meet her on her own energetic level.

Do the work.  Then…enjoy the fun.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s